{thanksful: 11 – my little blue coupe}

Okay, so it’s not actually a coupe.

My first Coke can of a Toyota was a sparkly sky blue, and had no shocks. Well, practically none. It was a stick shift. I was more than a little peeved when that car got T-boned. This is the second blue car I’ve had, and it’s kind of posh, actually. It has three cameras in it – one to make sure and record accidents, and the other two for backing up. It has two sets of wipers. I feel fancy riding in it.

Skyway Drive 369

I didn’t want to actually care about cars, at all. When we lived in Scotland, we didn’t have a car for five whole years. In the life of an American, of a country of people seemingly obsessed with their vehicular independence, that seemed huge. We got used to it. We enjoyed it. I’m rather a fan of taking cabs, and wearing gloves so I don’t pick up germs on public transportation. Bonus: it gives you an excuse to wear a hat. Because, you’re already wearing gloves, right?

So, we came back to the States, and bought a car via Costco, which who knew you could do. Basically we picked out what we wanted, they locked in the price, we went to pick it up. There wasn’t the “thrill of the chase,” the annoyance of the hard sale – nothing. It was like grocery shopping with fewer choices. We didn’t want to care about brand or color or details, so that way worked perfectly. And, that car worked out perfectly, too – until it blew up three spark plugs and dropped a fuel injector and lost power going onto the freeway. Oh, and it drank six liters of oil for two months running. Tech Boy – whose fuse is fairly long until it’s not anymore – went to work one May morning in one car, and came home that evening in another. He’d had it and that was that.

I’m still peeved that we’d almost paid off the last car and it flippin’ broke before we were done with it, but this one seems like it’s going to last a bit. And it has four-wheel drive, even, so if I ever come into contact with snow again, I won’t freak out like I did with the other car. (Yes. California driver, horrified by a slight rime of frost on the road, that’s me.) I’m grateful for my fancy little ride, and that I can fit the nephews and the cousin and my sibs in there, all at once, if I wanted to. My sibs can take the bus, though.

{thanksful: 15 – quiet}

I cannot meditate to save my soul.

Which sucks, really. I’m awful at all the yogic mindfulness crap. I am heedless and clumsy and sort of lurch through life, knocking my hips on the edge of tables and stubbing my metaphoric toes. I’m rather admiring of people who have… an intrinsic quietude within them. I am just not one of them.

But, I’ve always found quiet. In cathedrals, in churchyards. I ate lunch for a whole year at an old cemetery in St. Helena. I worried the caretakers found it rather odd. But, it was so quiet.

Stirling Holy Rood Church T 9

Quiet – peace – finds us where it finds us. Some people need cliffs and vistas and water views. We don’t always have the option to trek off someplace far away. But the reminders of our mortality aren’t usually that far away – and while I’m told most people find it macabre, cemeteries are restful to me. Because they remind me that, regardless, whatever I think is The Worst usually is not.

Stirling 121

{poetry friday: at the arraignment}


At the Arraignment

by Debra Spencer

The courtroom walls are bare and the prisoner wears
a plastic bracelet, like in a hospital. Jesus stands beside him.
The bailiff hands the prisoner a clipboard and he puts his
thumbprint on the sheet of white paper. The judge asks,

What is your monthly income? A hundred dollars.
How do you support yourself? As a carpenter, odd jobs.
Where are you living? My friend’s garage.
What sort of vehicle do you drive? I take the bus.
How do you plead? Not guilty. The judge sets bail
and a date for the prisoner’s trial, calls for the interpreter
so he may speak to the next prisoners.
In a good month I eat, the third one tells him.
In a bad month I break the law.

The judge sighs. The prisoners
are led back to jail with a clink of chains.
Jesus goes with them. More prisoners
are brought before the judge.

Jesus returns and leans against the wall near us,
gazing around the courtroom. The interpreter reads a book.
The bailiff, weighed down by his gun, stands
with arms folded, alert and watchful.
We are only spectators, careful to speak
in low voices. We are so many. If we make a sound,
the bailiff turns toward us, looking stern.

The judge sets bail and dates for other trials,
bringing his gavel down like a little axe.
Jesus turns to us. If you won’t help them, he says
then do this for me. Dress in silks and jewels,
and then go naked. Be stoic, and then be prodigal.
Lead exemplary lives, then go down into prison
and be bound in chains. Which of us has never broken a law?
I died for you — a desperate extravagance, even for me.
If you can’t be merciful, at least be bold.

The judge gets up to leave.

The stern bailiff cries, All rise.

And so today, dear ones: if you can’t be merciful, at least, be bold. More poetry at Jama’s.