The other day, I read that two strong proponents of the “pull your pants up” doctrine are Rupert Murdoch personality Bill O’Reilly and former television star Bill Cosby. Neither are praiseworthy men for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is because they have made running their mouths a virtue when they should have been running their lives in a manner befitting the privilege they own. No surprise that they share similar views.
However, I, too, though, was raised to believe the doctrine they preached, that of respectability: if you just pull up your pants and look nice and conform to the standard that majority culture has set for you, oh young brown person, All Will Be Well. But, that’s not true. On so, so, so many levels… not true.
Not true – not safe – and communicable – this is a lie that infects like a disease. Tidy, upright behavior doesn’t save lives. Instead, it shifts responsibility for racism from racists, by asking the people being harmed to change. It’s a false security, since believing you’re safe when you’re not always means you’re in more danger. It’s never worked permanently, with everyone, so it doesn’t work. And it asks people to not be who they were created to be. And yet, it persists, getting passed on from parents to children – which is where I got mine.
So, I offer today’s poem in apology to my students throughout the years, with whom I shared what I knew, which was the politics of respectability. I will never tell another student to dress for the life that they wish.* Dress how you will. Live as you should.
Apology, ©2017
Once, I believed and on this point enthused —
That tidy living kept you off the news.
A tidy desk evoked a tidy mind;
Shirts tucked in at the waist looked more benign.
A backwards cap – or sideways! – signaled vice,
Like fishnets, cleavage, short-shorts, fuzzy dice…
(As if correctness covered shaming’s face
“Match purse to shoes, and no one sees your race!”)
Truth: belted trousers will not save a life
Sloppy couture indulged in, once or twice
Will never lead a white child to their grave
It’s not the pants, or how the kid behaves…
To students whom I begged to change their look
And match their outfits with their dream bankbook
I wronged you all: forgive me, if you can.
I’m just now learning clothes don’t make the man.
RANDOM ERRATA: Should my theme of the month have been lies? It seems my poetry finds me there more often than exploring the truth. Obsessed with the dark side, I am. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll find a lighter truth tomorrow.
I KNOW. Some of you are teachers and have AUGHT TO SAY about that clothing statement. Come at me. Get it off your chest, you’ll feel better. Mind, I’ll still have my opinion, but you’ll have shared yours.
This is such a tough topic. First, I adore this poem. The first four lines are marvelous and really spoke to me and made me wonder, why do we believe these things?
I’ll admit I police my graduate students and harp on “professional” dress as they head out to their classrooms. They need respect everywhere they can get it, and looking the part as a new teacher is so important. No cleavage, no short skirts … most of the “rules” seem to apply to women. It’s so easy for men! Am I doing them harm by not allowing them to be themselves? I do think they’re different than kids, who are still trying to find themselves, and expressing who they are through their clothes. While I understand the need for a dress code in schools, I’m not sure they always appropriate and believe they can be racially and culturally biased.
I don’t think you should you feel bad for doing what you thought was right at the time, though I understand the impulse. I often want to go back to those first years of teaching and make amends. I’m so much better now. I just hope I didn’t inflict too much damage to those poor kids!
Thank you for sharing this. I love poems that make me think.
@missrumphius: And THAT is my main objection — I realize that working where I was, I had to support the party line to some degree, but how much of what we were asking for was entirely fair and unbiased? And how much was just some crazy idea that we had that Have Suit, Will Succeed? I think graduate students are an entirely different ball of wax than high school students. The principal of my nephew’s school likes to cite statistic that say uniforms make better students, but … I don’t know about that. It certainly makes some things EASIER, but I question a lot of things, realizing how much implicit bias is the baseline foundation for a lot of the educational decisions that have been made in our school systems.
This poem just sort of spilled out of me – I’m glad it did, because it made ME think, too.
A thought provoking poem for sure. I hear what you’re saying about being asked to conform to that false standard of respectability. And yet . . . life’s a game, there are rules to follow like it or not, sometimes “dressing the part” not only gets you where you ultimately want to go, it can be a cloak of safety. Dress the part if you must, I say, but never forget who you are inside those threads.
On a related note — I hate the double standard about appearance when it comes to men vs. women. Women are ALWAYS criticized for looking or not looking a certain way. Men get away with everything. It costs more to be female from a money as well as emotional standpoint.
@jama: – I often told my kids that you had to be multilingual, and the language of home and family was not the language of business or commerce necessarily, and that one had to learn the language to be successful. It’s nowadays chic to have tattoos, etc., but the smart money is on putting one where you can cover it up – just in case. It’s all a balancing act — neither I was wholly correct nor were my students!