{if it all goes bad, i can find a job punning, maybe}

Cleaning through yet more files, I found a tandem story I started with a friend – back in Summer of 2011. We were making fun of our poor ability to write anything remotely romantic, so we were going to “practice.” First off, this friend (WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS) is somewhat of a lunatic, so I should have known better than to try anything serious with her. Yet, that’s what we did — attempt seriousness. This honestly wasn’t intended to be comedic at all, but we were trying to write through our hesitation at attempting what could go SO BADLY, and maybe make some progress in making a realistic relationship work on paper.

Or, so we intended.

I take the blame for this one. I think I made it hard to take the entire project seriously, as I named the characters…

The eight children of Xerxes the blacksmith are:
Cinder (b) = 28
Kyndel (g) = 27
Cole (b) = 25
Ashe (g) = 25
Lumina (g) = 22
Flint (b) = 21
Ember(g) = 19
Steele (b) = 11

It can hardly be blamed on my co-conspirator that the whole thing went up in smoke, as it were. After she stopped snickering at the names she titled the novel EMBER AFLAME.

Oh, yes. This was a project doomed from the start.

I mean, Cole and Ashe. Yeah. Those twins are hot

13 Replies to “{if it all goes bad, i can find a job punning, maybe}”

  1. This made me laugh.

    Also, when I first read the blog title, I thought it said “punting” not “punning,” and I was really wondering what was going on with you and kicking.

    1. Oh, if only you knew.
      I had a REPUTATION in high school for kicking. Well, and you remember I kicked a guy in Edinburgh for making me go up the longest staircase in the city halfway before laughing and telling me I was going the wrong way…

      I like my ‘kickers for a reason…

  2. I imagine the mom’s reasoning with the names went something like this:

    Baby one: Wow. Married at 16 with a baby at age 17. This is not the life I planned. This baby is cute, but my dreams of competing in triathalons are in cinders…. Hey!

    Baby two: Xerxes is not half-bad as a kisser. Maybe something could come of this. He has kindled some hope…. Hey!

    Babies three and four: Twins? Really? I am never going to get my abs back. No wonder I felt as if I were carrying lumps of coal. But now, after delivery, I feel lighter, like ash…. Hey!

    Baby five: During labor, I couldn’t stop singing songs from the film “Beauty and the Beast.” My favorite character was Lumen…. Hey!

    Baby six: I could surely use a cigarette around now, but I know smoking is bad for me. Oh, just one. Maybe just one. Anyone got a match? (Hmmm, “Match.”) How about a piece of flint…. Hey!

    Baby seven: I’m cold. I’m cold. I’m cold. Someone stoke the fires, please, I just gave birth. All I see in the fireplace is one single ember…. Hey!

    Baby eight: This is the last baby. After recovery, I’m going to regain my abs of steel…. Hey!

    1. I still am horrified that you think I came up with this name. I could NEVER! I’m sure it was …someone else.

      I really might need to rejigger the ages… clearly, I’m not someone who has actually experienced labor. But, then, my grandmother had fourteen children… wouldn’t you just be pregnant ALL THE TIME? I have a friend whose grandma had twenty-two… (and I wonder if she had any teeth left).

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