Autoimmune disorders – or any of the other various disorders of the mind or body which require trying several medications before you find one that works – have a routine. You take the drug, wait out that requisite activation time, sigh, then try the next thing the doctor proffers. I was speaking with a pharmacy nurse about a new drug and was surprised to hear her ask, as we were nearing the end of our talk, “And what will you do if the medication is successful?”
“I’m sorry?” I asked, caught off-guard. “Can you repeat that?”
“What will you do if the medication works, and your symptoms vanish? How will that change your day?”
“Ohhhh,” I said, finding my brain empty.
Friends, I didn’t know.
I have been at this for so long I no longer expect the drugs to work. That’s… a pretty big realization.
Upon reflection, however, I found such gratitude for the question – a timely intervention into the same old, same old, medicate, rinse, repeat.
SOMEDAY, this is going to work. SOMEDAY this will not be a part of my life anymore. Someday we WILL kill it. Such thanks for the reminder to hope.
DISEASE
after Vertue, by George Herbert, 1633
This pain,
That stabs with scalding blight,
A fraying rope made up of twisted lies
Pinioning me, knotting as I fight –
Someday, you’ll die.
Disease duplicitous, I crave
Concealment from your hot, malicious eye,
Knowing that nothing from your grasp can save,
I pray you’ll die.
This body, strong and weak, opposes
Both health and its reverse, as it supplies
A surge of cells, its will imposes
On that which someday dies.
Left with a body willed to be whole,
And by that will still grimly combative,
Clawing, enduring to the goal –
Freed from disease, someday, to live.
Oh, my goodness, yes, a powerful and timely question. A hopeful question. Hugs to you and hoping as hard as I can that you find the right one soon. It took time for my daughter too. It’s so terribly frustrating, but hang on to that hope! xoxo
Someday, dear friend. Someday.