{#npm16: abecedarian, again}

You know you’re doing something right when people start sending you the acrostics they find. They’re everywhere! This one would have been perfect for last Friday, and you can find it in total at McSweeney’s.

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The ABCs of Passover.

BY LAUREN KRUEGER and MATTHEW DAVID BROZIK
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A is for April, when Passover’s here!
(Unless it’s in some other month of the year.)

B is for Boils, Beasts, Blackout, and Blood.
Dinner conversation never had it so good!

C is for Challah — egg bread: you can’t beat it!
And during this holiday, nor can you eat it.

D is for Drinking: four full cups of wine.
Required — a mitzvah! (Or grape juice, it’s fine.)

E is for Egypt, land the Jews fled.
Then shook the Egyptians in the Sea that is Red.

F is for Fish, “gefilte” it’s called,
Carp and pike, both thoroughly mauled.

G is for Gathering, that’s what we do!
The more, the moanier, when you’re a Jew.

H is for Hebrew, language Semitic.
“I’m saying it wrong? Everybody’s a critic!”

I is for Israel, the land we hold dear.
But no rush to go; there’s always next year!

J is for Jewish — that is, not a goy.
You know, like that nice Star-of-Bethlehem boy.

K is for Kosher, fit for consumption.
Or, put another way: “okay to eat,” according to basic laws derived from two of the five books of the Torah — Leviticus and Deuteronomy; but the details and practical applications of those laws were transmitted over centuries through oral law (eventually codified in the Mishnah and Talmud) and later elaborated upon in rabbinical literature… and the rationale for most of which is nowhere to be found.

L is for Lamb, star meat of the meal.
So tender! So juicy! Oh, wait… no — that’s veal.

M is for Matzo, a crispy delight.
(Yet fifty-one weeks of the year: out of sight.)

N is for Neighbors, like-minded feasters.
Unless they’re the kind who celebrate Easters.

So there it is: Passover, letter by letter.
(And not even Moses himself could do better.)